Thanks a lot for your reactions again.
As I started my blog I had this idea of a kind of travel through my life just like I do with my music. My song Fighter (text ‘Don’t give up’) is inspired by the story of a suicide attempt of the owner of a shop I used to visit. But ofcourse it’s also written for everybody having a hard time in general as is my song Win or Loose (text ‘Know behind fear hope always shines’). One of my latest songs which I’m recording now is about Alzheimer. When you’ve read my last blog you understand why.
Writing this blog made me realize more than before, that freedom is a powerfull thread in my life and has a lot of impact on the choices which I made and make.
When I was young I ‘wanted to break free’. I had no money so I didn’t run from home was sensible and knew the only option for me was to finish school. It felt like a liberation and a new start when I went to the University and had my own living. I finished University and always loved to have my own job and my own income. So having a job became leading in my life. This feeling of being able to leave when I want and – another important word – to be independent has always been a strong guide. It was hard when I lost my job because of just bad luck. This period without a job, I still work a lot… and the fact that I am getting older, throws me back to the question what I really want to do with the rest of my life. I worked very hard, travelled a lot for work and had not much time for other things besides my work. I never played the piano, I did not work on the songs which were in me because I have always chosen for the security of a regular income. For the first time I am doubting. I have greatly undervalued the ‘child in me’. I see now how much the creative side brings and am thinking about writing a book again. I started writing a book 15 years ago but didn’t finish it. I have more perseverance with my music now and have this drive to have my music heard. But I also have more time to do it! As I said before I am standing at a crossroad. Never thought it would be so hard to change the usual ways in my life. My old life is still pulling on me.
So, and that’s the point I want to make today, it’s not freedom either when we choose for a job out of fear! And ofcourse we have to pay the morgage, have a responsability towards our children and partner etc. I hope for you, that you have found a good balance in life between your dreams and obligations! And that you sometimes dare to change your destination!
Song Fighter mp3 (Soundcloud)
Song Win or Loose mp3 (Soundcloud)
Enjoying the wind and waves on the beach of Scheveningen